What Your Child’s “I Can’t Do It” Really Means

Every now and then, your child might enter a dreaded phase in which their go-to mantra seems to be “I can’t do it.” But before you start condemning their lack of understanding or dismissing it as a case of laziness, it’s time to take a step back and examine what exactly runs through your kid’s mind when he or she responds in such a way. Oftentimes, the words “I can’t do it,” can be translated into “I don’t want to.” This distinction is important. The word “can’t” signals resignation; “can’t” assumes that it is impossible to tackle a higher-level task with one’s current and fixed set of skills.

In other words, “can’t” sets up a limitation to one’s learning.

Once we see that this phrase is code for, “I don’t want to”, however, the problem becomes much more approachable. It simply calls for a change in attitude. There are two main causes that might elicit such a negative reaction from children.

For one thing, the task at hand may appear altogether overwhelming – such as a question that requires greater analytical skill, a particularly lengthy response, or the introduction of an unfamiliar concept. When faced with such a daunting assignment, your child might be at a lost as to where to begin. Subconscious refusal to venture beyond one’s comfort zone results in your kid being reluctant to even attempt the question in the first place.

To make matters worse, leaving the question undone reinforces the idea that it is an insurmountable obstacle. How, then, can we put a stop to this self-fulfilling prophecy? With your child feeling much like David facing Goliath, what you can do is help break down the giant problem into bite sizes. Unpack the question together and divide it into mini sections, providing incentives for the completion of each portion. When it comes to especially challenging exercises, make time for short breathers – a few minutes away from the desk can do wonders for a breakthrough!

The second major culprit of the “I can’t do it” reflex is a fear of failure. Many high-achieving children find themselves burdened by the obligation to produce perfect pieces of work, approaching every task with the assumption that they have a miniscule margin for error. Hence, when facing a more advanced assignment with a greater chance of failure, they choose to opt out. After all, strategic avoidance does prick the ego less than actually trying and falling short of one’s expectations.

In this case, a child should be exposed to a more forgiving mindset with regards to making mistakes. At English Ninjas, we encourage students to embrace imperfections as part of the learning process. The ability to analyze, accept, and adapt from past mistakes prepares your child to face the reality of setbacks in life. Let’s teach our kids that failure is a mere bump in the road, rather than a dead end.